a moment in time

i cherish my evening walks with momma and our bundle of joy!

jean-loup in my novel the girl with no shadow (a sequel to chocolat) is a boy who loves his cameras and carries them everywhere he goes while taking pictures of everything he can find, like cats in the cemetery.

vianne says "his habit of watching everything through the viewfinder of his camera is slightly disconcerting; it's as if he is trying to distance himself from the world outside, to find in the tiny digital screen a simple, sweeter reality." it makes me think how the closer you get to this ideal image with more clarity, more detail, better lighting- the more you distance yourself from what is actually in front of you and the true nature of things.

 i can't help but think photos are skewed as soon as you look through the lens. you are immediately separated from the reality and "the now". sometimes i think spending hours to make something ordinary beautiful is unjust. it's almost deceit and plain trickery. it just simply isn't so. not to mention the allusion we weave after a photo is taken to edit it into perfection. i don't have a problem with beauty but is there such a thing as false beauty? when are we just being fooled? does it even matter? i almost have this nagging need for truth in things but is there even truth to find...

then there are photos that are edited to create an emotional response (my favorite). i can't say i don't enjoy those. but i still feel the more we want to capture a moment through our lens the more we are taken away from the experience. but maybe we enjoy it in a different way? or maybe is that the price we pay for a moment in time captured. we all know there is no gain without loss.

i guess i am asking why can't things just be ordinary?

why are we obsessed with making every moment enhanced and beautiful and appealing. but maybe that's the point, no one would care to look at it otherwise. beautiful and appealing things we all know are attractive. and i agree, but sometimes i crave the ugly, the plain, the dull, and the true nature of things at times and i'm hoping with enough practice we can find beauty in that.

with that i am finding a greater love for photography and day dream of having my own fancy camera to enhance the tiny, miniscule things often over looked that i find beautiful. i guess the above was my take on the negative side i can't help but think. or maybe i'm just rambling?

* this entirely also relates to this blog and the need for me to be truthful as much as i can and not sell my soul for "views" and the like, if you know what i mean. also here's to blogging and trying not to sell my private life and be a slave to social media to get some kind of response. as kathryn budig says: aim true!

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it is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
-  tolstoy

future daydreams

just the other day I found myself pondering about what it would like to be a stay at home mom with a couple kids. something far far far far in the future. frankly, even the thought of babies freaks me out. key phrase was “stay at home mom”. 
 

i’m not even remotely sure how family’s balance careers and kids at the same time. who knows, maybe they don’t. or maybe some days are better than others.
 

most day’s I strongly believe I would never want to have to choose between career and kids and rather play the balancing game. although it’s a scary thought since jobs can be so demanding and money is never plenty; it seems to make the grinch of us all at times. however this time my trail of thoughts were a little more positive..
 

maybe it's that time of the month or maybe it is the [several, not to mention my favorite] blogs I follow who are moms, and not all stay at home, that have me feeling it just might not be so bad. i think it would be very rewarding, chaotic, sleep depriving, energy draining, and full of laughter and spontaneity. 

my job working with the elderly is very much like working with little ones, and I must say sometimes i very much enjoy it and most importantly, i feel i am good at it. like communicating with the fragile comes naturally. with the elderly you always seem to be doing the same routines and yet you never know what is going to happen from moment to moment. kids say the darnest things and so do the elderly. everything in life comes full circle and I believe we are those little spontaneous bubbles of energy and nonsense when we reach the end of our lives.

i would enjoy them; little ones are new to this world and it forces you to view the day to day things you’ve done a thousand times in a new light, and of course, answer the dreaded but why? there’s a lot of gain and a lot to learn from the littlest ones to oldest ones.

i’ve even started to collect things i think i would enjoy. since I always wonder; what do you even do with them? clearly organization is key. you’re their ultimate entertainer.

for me it's the simple things:

morning walks, evening bike rides, beach days and more beach days, picnics in the park, yoga in the grass, farmers markets, occasional but super rare naps, making daily meals and destroying everything in the process. finally since I’m a foodie: just trying new and wonderful foods!
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what would you look forward to with little ones, or do already?

or am I the only one that seems to day dream about the far distant future but can’t possibly grasp or plan for the following week. clearly i am ill equipped.

 

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i've been listening to lay low so much lately. i especially like "i'll try"

when all the things of this world are set aside,
the precious things are closer than you realized

try to live a life that doesn't fade away